Answer this honestly: Did you, as a professional woman, pepper your last email with one strategic exclamation point—or two, if it was a longer read? Crack a smile when asking for a raise or for help on a project? Raise your voice up an octave when giving an announcement at the last company meeting?
Most Baton Rouge women have fallen into the so-called “likability trap” at various points in their professional careers. And the idea that one exists has been well-documented, The New York Times reports.
It’s a phrase used to describe how women who behave in authoritative ways risk being deemed difficult, brusque or bossy, while those who are too nice risk having their competence questioned. What perpetuates the trap are stereotypes about how we expect women and men to behave—women as nurturing and collaborative, men as authoritative, and seemingly no rubric for those who identify as neither—so when people exert characteristics outside of those expectations, they face a penalty.
Through her research about Botox, LSU associate sociology professor Dana Berkowitz, who specializes in feminist and social theory, says she’s found that women in the media and service industries, as well as in most workplaces, feel the need to engage in “aesthetic labor”—undergoing cosmetic procedures like Botox, dyeing their hair, dressing a certain way, etc.—in order to be more likable.
Berkowitz has observed that women monitor their emotions in ways men don’t because they don’t feel they have to.
This phenomenon is all the more likely to appear in a tradition-centric Southern city like Baton Rouge, where ribbon-cutting ceremonies, board seats, C-level positions, and even local media outlets’ coverage and sourcing are still male-dominated.
On the other hand, some don’t see the “likability trap” as exclusive to women—or as a trap, necessarily.
“If you’re liked in social circles, you’ll be liked in a board room,” says Donna Saurage, third-generation owner of Community Coffee Company. “And there are some unlikable people who are still listened to and respected.”
Speaking from decades of nonprofit boardroom experience, Saurage says she’s seen Baton Rouge make leaps and strides over the years as women have increased their presence and prominence within the local business community. Saurage says the best thing to be is yourself.
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