Apparently there are some folks in Ascension Parish—and at least one Prairieville letter writer to The Advocate—who are none too happy over the direction of parish government’s nascent attempt to plan for future growth.
They believe talk of street grids, multiple transportation options and mixed-use developments—if ever implemented—will destroy the very reason so many people are rushing to this land of good public schools, affordable cul-de-sac neighborhoods and petrochemical plants.
Obviously these concerned citizens missed the memo that Ascension’s infrastructure is crumbling under the strain of a decade-plus of furious, unchecked growth.
Figuring there’s got to be a better way than a parish overwhelmed by 1] inadequate private sewer systems, 2] drinking water shortages and 3] a disjointed network of two-lane roads that all pretty much resemble our own Lee Drive during the afternoon commute, Ascension leaders are deciding to stop the sprawling insanity.
The process to develop a comprehensive plan for growth in Ascension is in its infancy. A consulting firm from Colorado has been hired and, as consultants are wont to do, a PowerPoint presentation has been created, outlining current growth patterns and future options, with lots of pretty pictures of how idyllic Ascension might one day look if the “right” development, land-use and parish-wide infrastructure choices are made. As is also always the case with such endeavors, public meetings are being held, where the scores of residents who show up are divided into small groups and told to huddle around maps and provide input as to where the neighborhoods, retail centers and offices of the future should be located.
When the wonk work is complete, Ascension officials hope to have a cover-all-the-bases blueprint to handle what demographers predict will be 20 or 30 years of continued heavy growth for the parish.
Clearly, however, not everyone is thrilled with how this boudin is being made.
How many residents are of the aluminum-foil wearing variety who believe “comprehensive plan” is actually code for “turning Ascension into New Orleans East or North Baton Rouge” isn’t clear at this point, but the message is clear: Do whatever you want but don’t take away our single-entrance subdivisions, our single-family-only housing options and our right to do whatever the hell we want with our private property. And don’t even mention the terms “sidewalks,” “connectivity” or “smart growth.”
Their battle cry: Give us suburban sprawl or give us death!
In their world, everyone has the inalienable right to a four-bed, two-and-a-half-bath faux French Country house on a private, sidewalk-less, dead-end road in a neighborhood with a drainage canal to handle any excess sewage, rainwater or sucked crawfish heads discarded during Saturday night’s boil. As for getting to Cabela’s, Walmart or the outlet mall, don’t be talking about walking or buses; if you ain’t driving, you ain’t moving.
And, as we read last week, anyone who thinks otherwise is a damn socialist.
Count me in the crowd that believes government creates far more problems than it solves, but even a free market zealot has to concede government must play a role in setting the rules and boundaries by which the private sector operates. Especially when the game is development and the very government people love to hate is expected to build and maintain the roads, operate award-winning schools and parks, keep the drinking water flowing and make sure the toilets aren’t overflowing. And, oh yeah, do all of this without raising a single penny in new taxes.
Here’s guessing the very folks that complain about comprehensive plans and a smarter method of growing are the same ones who also complain about the need for more roads and better services in their rural paradise.
No doubt, the people of Ascension—of the entire Capital Region, for that matter—love to live the life of sprawling suburbia. Equally true is that everyone wants someone to do something about the nightmare that is our traffic. The problem is you can’t have one and solve the other. There’s just not enough density to generate the tax revenue necessary to provide all the services we demand of government—especially when the thought of approving a new tax is as repulsive as the notion of a gay couple moving in next door.
So feel free to celebrate sprawl, just don’t complain about the problems that come with this American dream.
