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Move over death. Push left taxes. Make room in your club of certainty for incompetent corporate executives begging Congress for a “my bad” bailout and, of course, my annual predictions column.

With roughly $8.5 trillion of taxpayer money already set aside for corporate bailouts and stimulus packages [more than this country has cumulatively spent—in inflation-adjusted 2008 dollars—on every major war and significant government initiative, including FDR’s New Deal, in its 232-year history], clearly we’re on a slippery slope toward, at best, an economy where winners and losers are determined by political clout or, at worst, socialism. Against this backdrop, let us proceed with the predictions before freedom of speech joins dinosaurs, free market economics and the presidential aspirations of Sarah Palin on the list of things that no longer exist.

• Following the departures of Walter Monsour and Joseph Guillory, Mayor Kip Holden announces Mike Futrell, the lone remaining top lieutenant, will replace Monsour as chief administrative officer. Futrell proves to be as abrasive as Monsour, but not nearly as effective.

• Librarians across the state march on the State Capitol after the ethics board rules it’s unethical for a librarian to accept homemade Christmas cookies from the public. The librarians fill the halls of the Capitol and shoosh any legislator speaking in the halls.

• In a somewhat related story, Public Service Commission members were not at the protest. Instead, they attended an “educational seminar” at Ruth’s Chris, wining and dining on the tab of Entergy lobbyists.

• With Louisiana facing a projected $2 billion shortfall next fiscal year, state legislators hope to save cash by enacting a four-day workweek program for all government employees. Initial concerns that worker productivity would drop ultimately are proven baseless two months later when a legislative auditor’s study concludes “there’s no drop-off, just as little is getting done.” Gov. Bobby Jindal promptly travels to Iowa to announce this achievement in “good government.”

• Unable to muster the votes for a constitutional convention to overhaul state spending mandates, a band of renegade lawmakers, led by Baton Rouge Rep. Franklin Foil, manage to send a constitutional amendment before the voters that effectively removes many of the dedicated funding requirements spelled out by previously passed amendments.

• System President John Lombardi, upset over budget cuts and Jindal’s health care overhaul plans, stuns everyone by announcing LSU, including its Baton Rouge campus, will relocate to the state of Texas. “It’s obvious they take higher education and a knowledge-based economy seriously,” Lombardi says. “Plus, most of our alumni are here anyway so this should boost our Forever LSU campaign.” Jindal was unavailable for comment as he was in Detroit with LED Secretary Stephen Moret on an auto plant recruiting trip. Texas officials say they are willing to take the 10-campus system in order to secure the Tiger football team. “We’ll do whatever it takes to bring a football national championship to the great state of Texas,” says Gov. Rick Perry.

• Holden—frustrated after voters in Baker, Central and Zachary again unite to defeat his Next Great American City Bond Proposal-episode II—asks south Baton Rouge voters to pass a tax funding the construction of The Great Wall of Baton Rouge, running east-to-west along Thomas, Hooper and Greenwell Springs roads, effectively dividing the parish in two and forcing the three cities to go it alone. Despite the hefty 15.1 mils, the proposal gets an overwhelming thumbs up at the polls.

• Richard Preis goes before Congress pleading for a share of bailout funds in order to get his long-delayed, often-altered downtown Riverplace high-rise project off the ground. Preis expresses confidence construction will begin in the third quarter of 2009.

• Sparked by this development, Tommy Spinosa applies for funds to accelerate construction of his Rouzan TND on Perkins Road. Congress, however, delays a decision on the request after angry Southdowns residents storm the meeting, warning of dire drainage, flooding and traffic problems. Resident Dr. William Gladney offers to mediate a compromise, saying Southdowns will support the $2 billion bailout request if the developer dramatically cuts the project’s density. Spinosa counters by offering to cut 10 residential units and 50 square feet of commercial space from his plans.