The lovely woman who served as marriage counselor in the waning months of my married life once cautioned the lovely ex and I to stop asking questions beginning with “why.”
Why?
“Because you may not like the answer to the question,” she flatly said. “And does knowing the answer to a ‘why’ question really solve anything?”
Instead, she implored us to try questions starting with “what.”
What?
Such queries, she suggested, have a greater chance of producing solution-focused answers.
So, rather than asking, “Why are you such an idiot?” the then soon-to-be ex was better served to proffer, “What changes can you make to quit being such an idiot?”
See how the latter approach is much more likely to initiate a harmonious, marriage-saving dialogue?
Though this sage advice didn’t prevent me from becoming a non-married human, there’s still merit to my former marriage counselor’s theory.
Can we really glean anything productive by asking, “Why did LSU blow its perfect season by losing to an inferior Kentucky team?” Instead, try this: “What must happen to get LSU back into national championship contention?”
The what-question theory is especially useful, I believe, when dealing with Baton Rouge and its quest to become “the next great American city.”
Check it out. Instead of asking, “Why is Baton Rouge still being held back by racists and homophobes?” let’s go with, “What can be done to make Baton Rouge a more open and tolerant city?”
Doesn’t that feel good? Does anyone doubt that by pursuing the “what” option we’re a Metro Council-approved resolution away from becoming a happy place free of pedophiles and sexual predators?
Speaking of being held back, what is keeping the Baton Rouge Country Club from admitting black members? Or, in honor of a lawyer friend of mine: What’s the deal with females not being able to own voting stock at the aforementioned private club?
So, as we wend our way serpentinely along the road to greatness, let us ponder: What …
… must happen for people, young and old, to recognize both the economic value and the quality-of-life value of a vibrant downtown?
… can be done to get economic development officials to invest as heavily in university-based research facilities and programs as they do in steel mills and call centers?
… will convince Mayor Kip Holden that the lack of street connectivity is a bigger infrastructure problem for Baton Rouge than the lack of an interstate loop?
… will it take to get SUV-loving citizens to demand and then embrace a variety of mass transportation options?
… steps must be taken to get us to create a community, rather than a series of isolated, single-entrance subdivisions?
… can be done to build sidewalks and trails throughout the region?
… has to happen for East Baton Rouge School Board members to realize their policies aren’t working and that re-inventing the system with bold, new ideas is our only hope?
… must be done to get highly educated young people to leave places like Austin, Dallas and Atlanta and return home to Baton Rouge?
… will get young people to quit complaining in private and go public with their desires for this city?
… must be done to get these same young folks to actually show up at public meetings where city-changing decisions are taking place?
… is the best way to get public officials across the Capital Region to drop their parochial guard and to start acting for the greater good?
… will prompt residents to demand a Metro Council filled with members elected at-large? (Let’s add judges to this as well.)
… will get our community to address its serious poverty problem?
… are the chances of Baton Rouge embracing public-private partnerships to build mixed-use, mixed-income developments in targeted areas?
… causes us to cling to regressive sales taxes, rather than push for more progressive property taxes?
And, finally … what are we waiting for?
Comments
Posted by fourx5 on October 25, 2007 at 12:23 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Progressive property taxes? Why, that would be so very...California! You might even get better public schools out of such a crazy idea.
Probably best not to talk about it.
In fact, I'd love to write some snarky remarks in support of all your 'whats' above, but I feel like I'd be yelling at a brick wall.
As far as 'young people' showing up at city meetings, I got the message very quickly that people who speak out publicly for or against certain things in Baton Rouge are quickly blackballed. Like I said above - best not to talk about it, and hope the problem goes away.
For every developer who wants to build a TND, there are thousands of bullheaded private citizens and no shortage of "Civic Associations" who want to preserve the traffic congestion that comes with single-outlet subdivisions and the requirement to use a car to get anywhere. I mean, once you start building sidewalks, all kinds of unsavory poor people will find that they can walk _right past your house_!
Posted by forbr on October 26, 2007 at 4:27 p.m. (Suggest removal)
A few further "what's? " :
What can I personally do to make our community more open?
What will I press my neighborhood association leaders, my church leaders, my city council representative, to ask about the issues J.R. correctly identifies at their next meeting?
What can I do to encourage our civic groups ( Rotary, Kiwanis, etc.) to address these themes in a meaningful, substantive manner?
There is no doubt that Baton Rouge today is a far different city from what it was fifty years ago, even ten or fifteen years ago.
We are far more diverse, with enormous potential economically and educationally.
It seems to be that we are on the cusp of a far better time, but we in some ways resemble the adolescent that isn't quite sure of whether to grow up or remain a youngster.
A truly great city embraces diversity, cherishes its young and future leaders, and searches for a better way in all the categories J.R. raises.
What will it take for Forum 35 to host a special evening for every "young-er" citizen to REALLY feel free to speak her/his mind knowing that on this evening there would be no repercussions of any kind? In my idealized vision of this evening each city council representative would be invited and respectfully requested to simply LISTEN for the first half of the evening, and then to join in several smaller group discussions.
Might take a few such evenings hosted by a variety of community groups to really achieve - incrementally - the kinds of changes many of us are seeking.
Town meetings, neighborhood gatherings, civic and church groups, all need to agree to dedicate themselves to a single theme for 2008 :
My suggestion: "What are the pathways to creating a more hospitable, open, and loving community that embraces the gifts that every citizen brings to our city?"
Posted by fourx5 on October 26, 2007 at 10:07 p.m. (Suggest removal)
"What will it take for Forum 35 to host a special evening for every "young-er" citizen to REALLY feel free to speak her/his mind knowing that on this evening there would be no repercussions of any kind?"
I don't think that'll work. People talk, as my Maw Maw would say. Everyone knows everyone. Outsiders and dissenters aren't really welcome.
While my wife and I were looking for work in Baton Rouge last year, we attended a couple of Forum 35 meetings. While the aim of the organization is admirable, I think there's still a bit of insular thinking and cultural inertia that prevents outsiders from feeling like part of the group.
Because we were living on a very tight budget, we sampled a couple of meetings, but couldn't ante up for dues. So we stopped attending. But I got the impression that after the walk down 3rd street that it was mainly a group of young professionals who either knew each other from work or college - not a group that functioned to attract or welcome people moving into Baton Rouge from out of town.
A6 is another organization that I tried to become part of, but the nebulous nature and rather bare website (at the time) didn't yield many resources to someone from out of town.
Now that we're both employed again in California - at a nuclear weapons lab and NASA - we look back on our time in Baton Rouge as a mistake - but not our mistake. And we wonder what it was about us that made us so unfit to work for IEM or Lamar in Baton Rouge.
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