All the news that fits

All the news that fits

Monday, December 31, 2007

It’s time for my annual predictions on what you will be reading about in the year to come. Let’s see if I can get through this without prompting someone to threaten a lawsuit or earning a public rebuke from my beloved boss.

• Les Miles and LSU beat Jim Tressel and Ohio State as the Tigers claim their second BCS championship. The victory prompts influential Michigan boosters to scream that Miles, a former Wolverine and—now—a proven Buckeye beater, should have been hired to replace Lloyd Carr. Armed with threats to withdraw millions in financial support, maize-and-blue-clad bigwigs force Michigan to fire Rich Rodriguez after less than a month on the job. LSU officials, though stung by the turn of events, quickly move to hire Rodriguez, who has ties to Louisiana.

• No LSU football story can be reported without a Nick Saban reference, so … One day after LSU whips the Buckeyes, a statewide scandal erupts when it’s learned Louisiana state troopers are escorting the Alabama coach around the state on recruiting visits. Said a police spokesman, “It’s our duty to protect and serve and it was determined Coach Saban would not be able to leave the state safely if detected.” The outrage continues, prompting Gov. Kathleen Blanco, in her final days in office, to once again ask the National Guard to restore order.

• Business Report publisher Rolfe McCollister announces in early January he’ll take a leave of absence from the magazine and become a political adviser for Gov. Bobby Jindal. Two months later, Jindal announces McCollister’s departure saying, “He kept talking about blue oceans and I wanted blue circle.” Insiders say the move was triggered by thousands of civil service workers marching on the mansion to protest McCollister’s “Sweat the Details” workplace initiative.

• Louisiana's run of positive national publicity following the election of young turk Bobby Jindal comes to an abrupt halt as 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears announce she's pregnant, fueling yet another run of news stories that open with Deliverance-style music and swamp shots. The only good news: Spears provides proof the father is not a blood relative.

• Moved by Southdowns residents’ complaints of sewage-filled floods after minor rains, developer Tommy Spinosa announces a compromise: He’s changing the name of his TND to Poozan.

• Jindal’s ethics package appears headed toward easy passage until opponents, led by Rep. Hunter Greene, declare reform could negatively impact funding for LSU, other higher education institutions and health care. LSU System President John Lombardi hastily calls a press conference to point out his concerns extend only to road funding proposals, but it’s too late. Though many reforms pass, the heart of Jindal’s package is left stuck in committee.

• EBR voters give approve Pinnacle’s gaming mecca on land near Nicholson Drive. Casino officials then announce outgoing Metro Councilman Pat Culbertson has been hired as a public relations consultant to ease the fears of nearby residents.

• Mayor Kip Holden holds a press conference to tout his massive bond proposal to fund a host of infrastructure projects. Instead he winds up answering questions as to when the first concrete or asphalt will be poured on his earlier Green Light road plan.

• After a heated, four-hour meeting, the Metro Council approves the One Baton Rouge resolution declaring the parish is an open and tolerant place to live. The ensuing celebration in the halls of the Governmental Building quickly erupts into a fight between supporters and opponents of the measure.

• Another basketball season ends in disappointment, prompting the firing of LSU coach John Brady. It is widely rumored that Collis Temple, said to be responsible for Brady's most successful teams, will become the next coach. The talk abruptly ends when it's discovered he has no more sons and that his local AAU team isn't stocked with future NBA talent.

• The combination of term limits and the inability to get elected to any other office prompts several outgoing Metro Council members to announce they’ve moved into new districts and will once again run for a seat on the council. The most puzzling move is Lorri Burgess’ decision to take up residence in a guest house on the palatial spread of Cleo Fields, next to the Country Club of Louisiana. Asked why she’s trying to capture the seat of term-limited Pat Culbertson, Burgess replies, “What else am I qualified to do?”

• Visionary developer Richard Preis rises from his table at the City Club to announce construction on Riverplace, his much-delayed downtown condo project, will begin by the fourth quarter of 2008. When no one responds, Preis leaps onto the bar and repeats the announcement. Judge John Parker stops eating long enough to ask, “Richard, I love those shoes. Are they imported from Italy?”

• After a four-loss football season, Tiger fans want Rodriguez fired. Rather than endure the criticism, the LSU coach resigns and returns to coach his alma mater, West Virginia. Tired of the revolving door, LSU hires influential booster Richard Gill as its next coach. Says Chancellor Sean O’Keefe, “He did most of the work for Saban, Miles and Rodriguez anyway.”


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